freedom is uncertain 🪐

and the choice is yours 💫

Do you ever feel like you have lived multiple lives within this one lifetime?

This life has felt immeasurably long, and I send love to all the past Honey’s that have lived a life within this one.

My most recent past life was as a teacher, and while I still consider myself to be an educator, this was more traditional - within the walls of a K-12 classroom.

Being an elementary school teacher was the one thing I thought would answer all the questions my life held. That is to say, I thought I could hack the game of certainty. Experience security and “fit in.”

Who am I? A teacher. No need to look any deeper than that.

I’ve always been someone who shows up as my whole self. And “teacher” is a box, a container, a mold. Complete with moral and societal expectations.

I am an educator, but my identity is too expansive, my values too steadfast to fit the part of teacher. But what do you do when you have convinced yourself you want something, even when it can’t hold your wholeness?

Ghoulies, my own answer to that question feels too tender, too raw to share within this newsletter at this time. And in the end, the choice wasn’t mine to make.

So now, I’m here with you. I hold the contradiction, the multitudinousness, of deep loss and deep gratitude. And/both.

I feel both more certain + more uncertain that I have ever felt.

Certain that teaching was never right for me, even though I would have made a damned good teacher. Certain that I am not meant to play it small, to fit into a mold. Certain my voice matters + I want to grow my platform to share it.

And the gift of certainty is uncertainty.

The freedom of working for myself as a creator is uncertain.

And yet there is nothing in me that will go back to a traditional workplace. There is nothing for me there. I can’t cut off parts of myself, my transness, without cutting off my whole self.

So I choose myself. I choose myself because I love myself, and I trust myself.

We all get to make these choices, in our own ways. The choice of whose expectations to meet, our relationship to certainty. And there are no wrong choices. The world we live in is not an easy one. We live in a world full of pain and sacrifice and joy and beauty. And/both/all.

One thing I know is that we all do the best we can with the tools we have. And your best is enough because you are enough.

Conversation Starter:

Even in small ways, no matter the circumstances, we can show up to listen and care for ourselves. In what ways are you showing up for yourself lately?

I welcome you to leave a comment! I’d love to hear your thoughts.

The Buzz 🐝

What have I been reading, watching, listening, playing? What’s going on in the gamesphere?

• Qveen Herby lyrics get stuck in my head like affirmations. Today I was loving “I'm on a mission, making friends no competition” from Qveen Herby’s song, 5D. I love the reminder that I feel aligned when growing in connection with others in a community that lifts each other up.

• Marlee Grace
  creates an artistic podcast, Common Shapes. This week I listened to their episode, Art as Service. Listen no matter what you do, to feel more aligned with the way your creative work takes up space and has value in the world - as Marlee said in this episode, “replace ‘art’ with ‘that thing you do.’”

• It is still crucial to act in support of Palestine. View the Palestine Solidarity Map with physical rallies and events you can attend across the globe. Updated daily.

• Lake, the cozy queer indie game set in the 1980s, has released a prequel, Seasons Greetings. I love Whitethorn Games for their commitment to accessibility in gaming. I’ll be streaming Seasons Greetings soon. Check for my stream schedule on Instagram, always available in my story highlights.

Hexes & Enchantments🔮

In many editions of Game Hex, I will share a practice to help you root into yourself and your magic. I welcome you to engage with an open heart.

This spell is meant to act as a container, a safe space, for you to feel any feelings you are ready to feel. Feelings can be overwhelming, and a boundaried practice with a clear beginning and end can help us grow in our capacity to be present with our feelings.

Please note that I am a creator that shares from my own experience and magic. Engage only if it feels good to you to do so.

Flow of Feelings Spell ✨

Ingredients needed (optional):
brown candle, or any candle or item that connects you to the Earth

Sit in a comfortable position.

Light your candle in front of you. The candle will be lit
for the duration of the spell.

Envision roots growing
extending from your spine
into the depth the earth.

Take deep breath.
Bring your attention to your heartspace.

As you continue breathing deeply,
allow feelings to flow. Make space 
for any feelings that arise.

Each time a feeling makes itself known,
welcome it. Be present with it as you are able,
and release it into the earth.

Envision the feeling 
flowing 
into the flame,
into the Earth.

Use the brown candle
to help you visualize
the dirt and depth of the Earth
and its capacity to hold all you release.

Continue this as different feelings come up.
Don't let any feeling stick, 
but acknowledge
and release 
each feeling
as they come.

When you are ready, blow out the candle.
Envision the roots you sent reentering
your body, and complete the cycle by
receiving love and care from the Earth.

Send thanks to your heart
for making space
for feelings of all kinds.

Thank you for reading. I’ll see you next Game Hex! 🤗

In the meantime, you can find me:

• Streaming on Twitch: Join me for a charity stream today, December 3rd, from 12-6 pm CST. Today’s stream is on behalf of Whale and Dolphin Conservation.

• Discussing mental health and starting important conversations on Instagram - I am grateful for the community we are building.

• Sharing strategies for coping seasonal changes on YouTube - do you recognize an appearance from the quirky indie game Ooblets?!

Sweetness and love,

Honey (they/them) 💛